The Man Of My Dreams Was Not Who I Expected



This morning on the wooded trail I walk every morning, I became enthralled with the variety of types of trees along the way and how much trees are like a metaphor for human beings.

Many trees were beginning to leaf and some even were blooming. Some stood tall, rich in color with perfect symmetry, while others had twisted trunks, knot holes, bulbous nodules and leafless, contorted branches. Some looked barely alive and others were thriving and vibrant, with many in between birth and demise. It dawned on me that the beauty of the trail is in its diversity of the many unique trees. Regardless of the array of shapes, sizes, colors, and varying degrees of well-being, each is exquisite and plays a role in bringing the trail to life.

I realized my favorite trail would be rather dull if all the trees were alike and flawless. There was so much beauty in their differences and their flaws.

My experience today reminded me that in our search for the ideal man, we sometimes seek perfection by superficial qualities and standards. Our preconceived ideas may cause us to develop psychological blinders through which we cannot see beyond the surface image.

In my case, I didn’t notice the man of my dreams for literally years!

He went to the same gym and his office was right next door to mine, and he had noticed me for ten years! Incredibly, after I wrote out the story of my dream man and our life together, my vision expanded and became clearer and allowed me to see him. He didn’t appear to be my type, but I gave him a chance and he’s turned out to be my life-long partner. Like walking on the trail, if I were only looking at the idealized flawless specimens, I would not have been able to see the essential perfection in the man of my dreams.

Do love and life differently: Knowing and claiming what your deepest needs are in a relationship will expand your vision of what a good match might be for you.

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