Love Lessons
“I woke up one day realizing that I was forty-eight years old and somehow the entire past
decade had flown by and I’d forgotten to have a man;My career and travel aspirations
filled my mid-thirties and forties and I had the belief that one day my man would come.
But I was still single. Oops, what happened? No one told me that if I didn’t find a man in my
thirties it would be a bit more challenging in my forties. So I resolved myself to being a single,
independent woman and gave up searching for a man. I also held the belief that there was
no way I would find anyone who would match my dream at my age, and who also lived close
by. But then, I completed my Dream Man story and I began to know that I could actually have
what I wanted!
The next thing I knew, men very close to my story began appearing. The first guy I dated
was so close to my story I began to think, This can’t be happening! This might be the one!
He aggressively pursued me and he was pretty irresistible. Now, I could have gone down
an old path and fallen head over heals in infatuation and bent over backwards to try to fit
this guy’s ideal; instead, I decided to stay in my own power, observe him, and make my own
choices that really felt true to me. I have the power to choose and I have the choice not to
choose! What a concept! I trusted my feelings and made all of my decisions by being true to
myself, and I was not in a hurry but rather in pure observation. That felt really good to me. I
knew I could have everything I wanted and that it would all be there when I was truly ready to
choose. So I am continuing to date to see who else appears!”
Your Dream Man
Story Creator
“You can and will attract your dream man by being your
authentic self and knowing what you want.”
Why a Story?
How successful have you been in attracting the man of your dreams? Is there a list of
your Dream Man qualities lying dormant in a journal, hidden on your hard drive, or
forgotten in your nightstand? Does this list beckon you to visualize your Dream Man,
or is it collecting dust in the land of the Cinderella fantasy? Have you written it down
and cast it to the wind with hopes that your Dream Man will just appear out of thin
air and sweep you off your feet? I bet you’ll agree that’s not likely to happen. You now
have a practical tool to help you get what you want.
A story transports us right to the heart of the matter and brings to life the qualities and contexts
that we want to embrace and experience. Like a romantic novel, a story evokes emotion
and stirs your heartstrings. This experience is not like an academic textbook that takes you into
your logical, rational, and often misleading mind. Writing the story takes you out of your head
(and the confusing mental analysis and mind chatter) and into your heart, where your true core
desires are seated.
A romantic story brings you to the present moment and connects you to your heart, bringing
the true feelings and reality to your vision. A story creates an emotional experience coupled
with a clear vision that invokes the Law of Attraction. Your vision can become reality through
the Law of Attraction and magnetic resonance.
Turn Yourself On to the Love of My Life
Creating your Dream Man story is designed to evoke positive
feelings about the qualities you want in a man and the life you
want to experience with him. It clarifies what you truly want,
while simultaneously connecting you to the feeling of the experience
of your desires. That is the real secret to attraction.
A clear vision infused with experiencing the feelings of actually
having what you want creates a powerful electromagnetic
force that attracts your deepest desires. Simply put: This is
what I want and this is what it feels like to have it. These are
the clear, energetic signals you want to send out so that you
get back what you want. You can think of magnetic resonance
as your positive energetic echo—the energy that you emanate
which attracts complementary or matching energy.
How can you expect to find the man of my dreams if you haven’t fully explored what your dream
truly is? What is your energy resonating, and what mixed signals are you sending out that are
keeping you from your man? If you want to be empowered to create the life you want, it’s your
responsibility to get clear and real about what you want. If you don’t, you’ll continue to experience
disappointing relationships and you will not find a dream match.
Time for a quick check-in. I encourage you to take an honest reading of the energy you’ve
been projecting—both about and towards men. What responses have you received? If this is
too tough, ask a trusted friend to be candid about how she sees the kind of energy you’ve been
emanating lately.
_______________________________________________________________________________ .
Whether you’re feeling excited or intimidated by the process at this point, allow whatever’s
present for you to come to the surface. It’s important to access the truth of your emotional energy
before you begin the next part of this process, the Choose Him Process. Let me give you
some glimpses of what I wrote about my Dream Man in my own story—all of which are true
about the love of my life:
??He’s taller than me in my three-inch pumps, has strong arms, and gives huge bear hugs.
??He has charisma and radiates warm energy.
??Everyone thinks he’s a nice guy and he really is.
??He listens to me without making me feel foolish about my thoughts.
??He’s a good sounding board without trying to solve every problem for me with
quick answers.
??He loves me and accepts me as I am.
??We respect each other’s independent nature.
??We inspire each other to be the best we can be.
Start to think about some of the qualities you want that may have just popped into your mind
while reading through this list. Take a look below at a sample of a Dream Man story.
Sample Dream Man Story and How to Get a Man
This example is included so that you can have a sense of what your final story might look
like. This is a word-for-word completion of a sample Dream Man story created by one of my
clients. Please note the use of the language of attraction, which stems from the Law of Attraction.
This means the sample story uses positive language and depicts things as if they already
exist. Therefore, it is told in the present tense. This is an important part of the process because
it allows you to touch into the emotion of feeling what it will feel like once you’ve created your
own story. Of course, yours will be customized to your own responses, but this will give you a
taste of what your story might look like once you compile all your responses.
Now that you’ve seen what your Mr. Right story looks like, you can see that there’s a very
powerful element of dreaming into what’s possible for you when you do yours. Don’t hesitate to
be very specific about what you want. We’ll get into the details of how to manifest your Dream
Man later. For now just know that you get to have fun with your story, and you get to take the
time to really get clear about everything you want in a man and in a relationship.
What Ab out Fantasy, Romance, Magic, and Love Poetry?
Before you plunge into creating your Dream Man story, I want to take some time to address
any potential resistance. I can already sense some of you resisting the process, and that’s a normal
stage of personal growth. Part of this creation process is allowing your mind to set aside
all its logical prowess and encouraging your heart to take over for a while. These are some of
the typical questions that women bring up, followed by the short answers, then the longer
explanations.
Question: What happens to the mystery, the excitement, and romance if I pre-design my Dream
Man?
Answer: It’s still there, he’s just easier to spot when he appears.
Question: Isn’t this level of detail a bit contrived and isn’t it unrealistic to think I can get everything
I want?
Answer: No, clarity is what helps you meet your needs and desires—knowing which things are
priorities, which are negotiable and which are not.
Question: Does this leave the door open for other qualities and possibilities to show up?
Answer: Absolutely—it’s an evolving story that will undoubtedly be adjusted as you evolve
and discover new qualities as you meet men. But the core values and desires that create your
magnetic resonance remain constant.
Question: Will I miss the right guy because I’m only focused on the characteristics and circumstances
in my story?
Answer: Not as long as you detach from the outcome and stay open to possibilities—and the
magic of surprise. Remember, he’s looking for you, too.
Question: What about allowing magic and attraction to unfold?
Answer: Of course you want your relationship to unfold naturally, but even magic is based on
the Law of Attraction.
New Lens, More Men and Ways to Show you How to Get a Guy
Not only does your Dream Man story leave the door open for the unexpected, it actually expands
the possibilities for engaging men through your newly broadened perspective of your
needs and dreams. As humans, we tend to see only what we’re looking for or what we expect to
see, whether it’s right for us or not. Your Dream Man story enables you to observe men through
a new lens and to have a clearer perception about what really matters to you. This means you’ll
open your mind to men you may not have previously noticed, or perhaps would have eliminated
in the past. Maybe the guy at the office who’s been hounding you for a date, but isn’t the
type you usually go for, will suddenly appear more attractive to you. New men will notice and
be drawn to you because your priorities are now internalized and the energy you emanate will
be in alignment with your new beliefs and behavior. Your personal clarity will enable you to
interact with men more authentically and with a confident sense of empowerment. You can’t
miss the right guy and he can’t miss you, because he’ll be attracted to your clear energy and the
magnetic resonance that complements what he’s looking for in a woman.
Nice Fantasy, Wrong Reality
Sometimes you may fantasize about a man and a relationship you think you want, but then
discover through the dating process that what you thought you wanted actually is no longer
compatible with the higher priorities of your life. For example, your Dream Man story may
lead you down the path of imagining being with an adventurous, on-the-go man who loves
to travel, and yet your highest priorities in your day-to-day life are stability, connecting with
community as a couple, and raising a family. Or you may dream of an artistic man who’s passionate
about his work, but your higher priority is that your man makes a good living. As the
saying goes, be careful what you ask for since you might get it. You may also be holding onto an
outdated fantasy from your past with some imagined illusion about things you may no longer
care about.
Between You and Me:
Dig Down Deep for What You Really Want
Like many women, for years I thought I wanted to marry a wealthy man to provide me with
a secure life. However, after examining my deepest needs and values, I realized that I didn’t
really need a rich man and actually preferred to contribute to building wealth with my partner.
My truest desire was to meet a man who would value my contribution in jointly building an
affluent lifestyle. This has proved to be the right approach for me.
Your Dream Man story will make you think about what it will be like to live with your ideal
man on a day-to-day basis and what kind of life matches your deepest values. Throughout the
process, you’ll have an opportunity to make sure you’re describing and focusing on attracting
an up-to-date version of your Dream Man. The Choose Him Process inspires you to choose
what’s right for you and to embody the energy that will attract the man of your dreams. You
will truly know your priorities, your non-negotiables (not just what you don’t want, but what
you do want), and where compromise makes sense for you.
The Difference Is in the Details
Some women ask: Won’t too many specific details in
my story limit my choices? Trust me, you won’t miss
the right guy because you’re so focused on the details
of your story. Details here aren’t designed to create
an impossible checklist; they’re designed to create
more clarity and recognition of who is an authentic
match. You’re looking for compatible energy and
resonance—not just physical qualities and external
qualifications. In fact, you’ll begin to attract men
who fit many more of the qualities you desire, but
not every man with these qualities is going to be the
man of your dreams. You have to kiss a few candidates
along the way as you sort through them and
move towards the right guy. One of the many gifts of the Choose Him Process is that in the
days and weeks ahead, you’ll continue to become more and more clear about your priorities and
what things no longer hold the importance you once thought they did. Your story will help you
discern superficial qualities from your core desires.
Consider walking into your favorite department store to discover that all of the departments
throughout the store have been combined into one. Sportswear, dresses, business suits, evening
attire, casual clothes, jeans, and lingerie are mixed together on the racks right alongside the
men’s clothes, appliances, and housewares. You want to find a special outfit for an event and
immediately begin to feel overwhelmed. You become frustrated, confused, and disappointed,
and ultimately leave the store empty-handed. Think of your Dream Man story as a map that
will guide you to the exact rack you’re looking for. When you know exactly what you’re looking
for, it’s easier to stay grounded and ignore the frustrations caused by all the things surrounding
you that have nothing to do with what you want. But also keep in mind the idea that this map
may lead you to more than one perfect fit. It’s a navigation tool, but it’s not meant to exclude
something surprising that jumps out at you along the way. Your feelings and resonance create
the attractor factor.
Sacredly Selfish Time
Set time aside—this is your life. I suggest you retreat to a quiet space where you won’t be
interrupted while you do the activities and create your Dream Man story. It should be a place that
feels comfortable, relaxing, and nurturing. This is all about you getting in touch with yourself. As
you begin your Dream Man story, allow yourself to indulge in remembering that this process is
about YOU and the feelings you want to experience long-term with the man of your dreams. To
make sure you’re in touch with your true values and desires before you write your story, this first
section is all about you. These preliminary personal explorations are designed to get you into a
mental space of clarity and inner truth, as well as to open your feeling center.
Orientation to the Choose Him Process
Some people like to have a roadmap before they set out on a journey, so here’s a quick overview
of how the template is organized. The Choose Him Process is designed to take you through
multiple aspects of how you envision your Dream Man, but don’t forget that it’s also about you
and about your relationship.
When you’re done with the whole process, you’ll have a story of your Dream Man. This will
represent exactly what you want. Then, in Step 3. Attract—Manifest Your Own Ending, you’ll
learn how to activate your attraction factor.
If you’re still romantically attached or hung up on
someone, it’s common to orchestrate your story around
that man’s qualities rather than what you truly want.
You won’t get the truest version of your story if you’re in
a compromising frame of mind or are afraid to ask for
what you really desire. If you can’t create your story from
your truth, you’re cloning a faulty design.
Next, you’re going to be filling in a template that will
form the basis for your Dream Man story. The topics
and sample statements are designed to trigger your
own feelings and values related to the many aspects of
your ideal man and relationship. They are not intended
to limit you to the possibilities listed. The template is
meant to be edited to your own style and language so that it resonates with your deepest
feelings. It would be impossible for me to write a template that is universal to all women, so
use this as a guide and framework to get you started. Because this process is intended to be
a catalyst for your own unique story rather than a comprehensive list of all possibilities, any
omission of circumstances, perspectives, or cultural considerations is completely unintentional.
I honor and respect the full spectrum of diversity that makes each woman her own special,
unique individual.
Guidelines
• There is no right answer, just your answer.
• The myriad of ideas and optional responses offered here are intended to inspire you to
create your own responses. Customize them and make them as rich and juicy as you
want. Feel free to add your own responses, combine options, or leave out the statement
completely. He’s your man.
• If you find there is some repetition in your responses, that’s a clue about what’s important
to you.
• As you progress through the template, if a statement or topic is not important to you,
feel free to leave it out. If you come to a statement that you’ve already written about in an
earlier reply, you can skip ahead or include additional thoughts.
• Trust your heart, not your head.
Methods for Recording Your Dream Man Story
There are two methods you can choose in moving forward:
1. Write out your Dream Man story by hand. You can simply write your answers in
this book and customize them as you go; then rewrite the entire story into a continuous
narrative. Even though this might take a bit more time than typing, there are studies that
show writing by hand is a right-brain activity that gives you more access to your feelings.
Right-brain activity tends to be creative and innovative in character, while left-brain activity
is rational and process-oriented.
2. Type your Dream Man story into your computer. This is a good option for those of
you who might like to read the template and simultaneously type it into your own word
processing program—editing, embellishing, and creating your story as you go. Keep in
mind that typing is more of a left-brain activity, so do your best to create a comfortable
setting and immerse yourself in the feelings of your newly created Dream Man vision.
We’re proud to announce the online Dream Man Story Creator. If you prefer
to use an automated version of the Story Creator template, please visit
www.attractingtheloveofmylife.com.
Whichever option you choose, you’ll be well on your way to attracting the man of your dreams
right into your life. Be careful not to elaborate too much on each topic. If your story is too long,
it can be overwhelming and hard to integrate. Ideally, you will edit and streamline your story
to the things that matter most to you.
Remember, you can combine, create your own response, or skip any of the statements. Let the
Process begin and learn more about guess who’s coming to dinner.
