by Deb Garraway
January 12, 2011

Even If You Find Him, Mr. Right Can Never Make You Happy

Before you think I’ve lost my mind, let me explain.

If you aren’t already a happy person or happy with the rest of your life, meeting a great guy can’t fix that.Happiness is an inside job—only you can make yourself happy. Sure, falling in love can certainly improve your mood and your life, but it won’t magically transform someone who is depressed or otherwise inherently dissatisfied into a chirpy smiley face.

In recent years scientists have legitimized the study of happiness, and they are discovering that some of us just aren’t all that happy to begin with, and aren’t likely to move too far along the joy continuum no matter what we do. I bring this up, because it’s another facet of the myth that a mate can complete you in some way. It’s another way of looking outside yourself for answers you can only find within. You need to bring an already completed personality to the dating arena. I believe a soulmate can complement your personality, but it’s expecting too much from a man to think he will cure a basic unhappiness. (more…)

by Deb Garraway
January 5, 2011

Self Power Tools for Negotiating with the Love of My Life

Then there's the crib, clothes, babysitters....

This post is a continuation of my last post related to John,

who he gets home most weeknights at 9:00 p.m. instead of 6:00 p.m., which upsets Mary since he misses 3 hours of evening time that could be shared with her. Thus, arguments ensue. Below are the next steps (#3 and #4) based on the “method” described in my previous post, along with my comments:

3. Invent Options for Mutual Gain

Sometimes situations seem impossible to resolve and your options appear limited; it seems like an either/or situation. Or it appears that it’s the other person’s problem to figure out for themselves. Most people see negotiating a problem as trying to narrow the gap between positions instead of expanding the potential alternatives. The method does not suggest approaching negotiation from those perspectives. It suggests the following process to come up with creative options: (more…)