Find True Love by Feeling Your Way

Can I find true love with a list?

Often women tell me they know exactly what they want in a man

and won’t settle for anything less to find true love. They’ve written out a list of qualities that they must have and sometimes include things they don’t want—the absolute deal breakers. In my opinion, making a list of qualities you want in a man is like making a grocery shopping list without having a recipe for what you want to cook. Let’s see, I’ll buy onions, pickles, tomato sauce, chocolate chips, eggs, Tabasco, and cottage cheese. I like all of those foods, BUT if I threw them all together in a pan and baked it in the oven, I doubt anyone would want to eat it! Let me clarify what I’m saying with the following examples of a good man-list gone bad when it comes to the relationship recipe.

You might create a shopping list of qualities and traits you want in a man, such as:

• he’s kind and thoughtful
• he makes at least $100,000/year
• he doesn’t smoke or drink too much
• he loves sex
• he’s trustworthy and faithful
• he likes to travel
• he has no children
• he’s honest and has integrity
• he likes to communicate and share his feelings
• he’s athletic and in good shape
• he loves that you each have your own friends

You get the picture – sounds like a great guy.

Okay, so let’s look at this list and see what might happen with the wrong recipe:

• he’s kind and thoughtful to his friends and co-workers—BUT treats you like one of the guys; (i.e., his buddies would understand if he doesn’t call when he says he will or breaks plans with you at the last minute)
• he makes $100k/year—BUT he’s very cheap and doesn’t take you anywhere nice
• he doesn’t smoke or drink too much—BUT he hates it when you drink at all
• he loves sex—BUT wants it regardless of how you’re feeling when you’ve had a bad day
• he’s trustworthy and faithful—BUT boy, does his eye wander to every buxom woman who passes by, plus he has a wide jealous streak
• he likes to travel—BUT mostly with the guys going fishing and skiing
• he has no children—BUT can’t stand your nieces and nephews, whom you love dearly
• he’s honest and has integrity—BUT he criticizes you constantly because he’s paranoid about your truthfulness and loyalty
• he likes to communicate and share his feelings—BUT when you want to talk, he completely checks out with other things to do
• he’s athletic and in good shape—BUT no wonder, because he’s at the gym 5 nights a week, leaving you home alone
• he loves it that you each have your own friends—BUT doesn’t think it’s appropriate for you to stay out past 8 p.m. with your friends

Deepen Your List

You can see how a list can be deceptive, unreliable or incomplete when you’re looking to find true love. What seems like a wonderful list of qualities can turn into a nightmare relationship. I speak from personal experience, as well as from listening to clients and interviewing many women. In some of my blog posts, I talk about the importance of knowing how you want to feel with a man after the initial sizzle of romance fades and in a variety of day-to-day situations. When you choose a man who makes you feel good 24/7 in real life, instead of fantasy-ever-after illusions of how you hope he’ll be, you’ve got a great shot at having a long-term, fulfilling relationship.

To learn more about how to know for sure what you want in a man, check out my book Choose Him: How to Get Clear, Define What You Want, and Attract the Man of Your Dreams or my innovative, automated Online Story Creator.

Do Love and Life Differently: Superficial man lists can attract the very opposite of what your heart needs. The feelings you want to have with a man and in your relationship are the most important attraction factors to find true love.

Do any of you have nightmare experiences with a man who looked great on paper, but then went bad? Please share them!

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