Love Lessons"Before doing my story, I had
never even thought about many
of the things in the story
template, and they’re important."
V.B.
Looks like she knows how to attract men
This morning I was talking with my good friend, Tamra, about how we manage our personal energy. We’ve all met people who immediately cause us to react a certain way because of their energy. It can be either repelling and we can’t wait to get away from them, or it can be attractive and we find them likable and pleasant to be around. Most people aren’t aware of their own energy as far as how they affect others, and it’s always interesting to observe others, and of course try to be aware of my own. My other coaching friends can always read my energy, even though we’re on the phone and I’m intentionally trying not to sound like something is bothering me. They bust me every time!
I always remind my coaching clients that when you’re contemplating how to attract men, to be aware of your energy with them, since it actually speaks louder than your words. That means your words and behavior may be saying one thing, and your energy is sending a different message – maybe not as appealing as you think it is. Can you think back to some first dates and analyze the energy you observed in yourself or felt from the guy? Contemplate these questions:
• What kind of energy do you usually bring to first dates?
• How is it received? Do you see patterns of reactions to you?
• Do you try a little too hard to be liked?
• Do you think you may have been behaving in such a self-protective manner that you appear walled off or aloof?
• Or—heaven forbid—do you give off that mood-killing scent of neediness or desperation?
For example, one of my clients told me that she’s a powerhouse in business meetings among men and is very comfortable in that arena. But when it comes to romance, she admits that her mood and behavior swings from aggressive and demanding to seductive, to an emotional ball of mush.
My client knows how to attract men. She’s attractive with a great personality and a good sense of humor. But she struggles with her emotions and internal triggers related to past relationships, childhood issues, or just having a bad day. She can’t seem to find a natural and comfortable way of being with men. She doesn’t know what their expectations are, so she makes snap judgments about them and takes either a defensive or offensive attitude. She confided in me that while most of the time she appears cool and collected, inside she’s confused and anxious.
Our deep beliefs and thoughts create feelings and emotions that radiate either positive or negative force fields – your energy. This occurs constantly whether you like it or not, and your energy can be subtly seen and felt by others. Even though they may not always accurately or consciously identify your feelings, they can sense either a positive or negative resonance. If you know you have issues such as low self-esteem, fears, or bad past experiences with men, it’s going to be impossible to fake your energy. Unless you heal these emotional blocks, you may be able to attract men, but forming a healthy, lasting relationship will be difficult. If you want more information on this subject, I recommend The Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav.
Regarding the questions above, if you can’t assess this yourself, ask a trusted friend to role play with you and give you honest feedback. If you’re receptive to a critique, you may learn some things that you do unconsciously or react in a negative way when it’s not your intention. Once you’re aware, there’s opportunity to improve or change patterns.
