by Deb Garraway
April 7, 2011
Can I find true love with a list?
Often women tell me they know exactly what they want in a man
and won’t settle for anything less to find true love. They’ve written out a list of qualities that they must have and sometimes include things they don’t want—the absolute deal breakers. In my opinion, making a list of qualities you want in a man is like making a grocery shopping list without having a recipe for what you want to cook. Let’s see, I’ll buy onions, pickles, tomato sauce, chocolate chips, eggs, Tabasco, and cottage cheese. I like all of those foods, BUT if I threw them all together in a pan and baked it in the oven, I doubt anyone would want to eat it! Let me clarify what I’m saying with the following examples of a good man-list gone bad when it comes to the relationship recipe. (more…)
by Deb Garraway
March 31, 2011
Yeah, I know, the title of this post is a mouthful of clashing words. I 
Wait to get a man who's right for you
but I’m playing off the title of a book called How Not To Marry the Wrong Guy: A Guide For Avoiding the Biggest Mistake of Your Life by Anne Milford and Jennifer Gauvain. See the article and book review here: Is he the wrong man?
In it Milford talks about how she called off her own wedding 17 years ago. She writes, “Even though my fiancé was a very nice man, he was not the right man for me. Deep down, I had known that from the very beginning of the relationship. Why did a smart and capable woman get engaged to the wrong guy? I knew if I talked to enough women, I would uncover a pattern.” (more…)
by Deb Garraway
January 12, 2011
Before you think I’ve lost my mind, let me explain.
If you aren’t already a happy person or happy with the rest of your life, meeting a great guy can’t fix that.Happiness is an inside job—only you can make yourself happy. Sure, falling in love can certainly improve your mood and your life, but it won’t magically transform someone who is depressed or otherwise inherently dissatisfied into a chirpy smiley face.
In recent years scientists have legitimized the study of happiness, and they are discovering that some of us just aren’t all that happy to begin with, and aren’t likely to move too far along the joy continuum no matter what we do. I bring this up, because it’s another facet of the myth that a mate can complete you in some way. It’s another way of looking outside yourself for answers you can only find within. You need to bring an already completed personality to the dating arena. I believe a soulmate can complement your personality, but it’s expecting too much from a man to think he will cure a basic unhappiness. (more…)
by Deb Garraway
December 15, 2010
The love of my life is a man I can trust
Most everyone has heard about the Law of Attraction since the movie The Secret became a global phenomenon a few years ago.
Some people were disappointed that a significant part of the process of attraction wasn’t clearly represented in the movie.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the law, the premise is that thoughts have an energy which attracts whatever it is the person is thinking about. In order to control this energy to one’s advantage, proponents say that
people must practice four things:
• Be very clear about and know exactly what you want
• Ask the universe or God for it (more…)
by Deb Garraway
November 24, 2010
Lucky me...way to buy a car AND get a man!
Being in the midst of looking for a car online, I started thinking about the similarity in the process of how to get a man through online matchmaking services.
Online dating wasn’t as widely used sixteen years ago when I was “on the market”, but the comparison with my car search gave me a real sense of how overwhelming the process can be today. There are a gazillion brands and models of cars with a multitude of options and price tags. I know my price range, so that makes it a bit easier, but not much.
The sorting process is confusing and distressing with so many factors to consider, especially if it’s a used car. Even though you might like the brand, model, and age of the car, you really don’t know for sure how comfortable it’s going to be on a long drive,if there are any hidden defects, or if it’s going to cost you too much in the long run with ongoing problems. Sounds like a man search to me!
(more…)
Love Lessons
