How To Find True Love By Watching TV

Raise your hand if you watched The Bachelorette finale last night. I was more interested in this version of the series, perhaps because Ali struck me as a bit more authentic than some of the previous women on the show. (I loved that she didn’t seem to care at all when her hair was soaking wet and she looked a bit like a drowned rat on that cold Cape Cod beach.) That Roberto would be in the finale seemed like a foregone conclusion, given their instant chemistry (which Ali acknowledged on the first episode by giving him her First Impression rose).

However, it also worried me all along that she seemed to be falling for him, in no small part, because of their obvious mutual physical attraction. Of course, sex is a key ingredient in most relationships—especially to get them started in the first place. But as all we older and wiser women know, the crazy-over-the-moon, we-can’t-keep-our-hands-to-ourselves phase just can’t last. Life always intervenes. Time passes and we both age. For so many women, one day years after the wedding they wake up and have no idea who they married—or why.

I hope that doesn’t happen to Ali. There’s reason to hope, too, because in addition to their physical chemistry, Ali clearly stated at the outset the attributes she wanted in a mate: unconditional love and to be protected and made to feel safe. She clearly believes she found a man who gives her both of those in Roberto.

Runner-up Chris may have had more in common with Ali, but he always seemed like he needed caretaking, rather than being the man who could give Ali that feeling of being taken care of. While I believe Chris would have been a solid husband for Ali, she opted for the riskier choice. Roberto is an alpha male—drop dead hunky, and overflowing with charm and vitality—exactly what appealed to Ali. But he also strikes me as the type who’s apt to move on easily if things go a bit awry. I hope not, for their sake.

So what did we learn from this? That when you have clarity about the things you want in your mate that you CANNOT compromise on, then it’s easy to recognize him as soon as you see him. Even in a sea of 25 bachelors who are ready for their close-ups.

Do love and life differently: know your own short list of must-haves and review them before every date.

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