Is This How to Get A Man Who Doesn’t Cheat?

To get a man who’s faithful....make less money?

YIKES! I just read an article in the HealthDay News that says a man is more likely to cheat if he makes much less money than his wife or female partner does.

It also reports that a woman is more likely to cheat if she makes more than her husband or male partner. The study, which surveyed 9000 people under the age of 27, found that more than twice as many men cheated on their partners. The study author revealed that her impetus for the study was a male friend’s confession that he cheated on his partner because she made all the money, and he felt completely powerless. While the overall percentage of cheaters was small in her study (7% of men and 3% of women), infidelity seemed to rise when one partner made a lot more money than the other. My research indicates that about 50% of women and 60% of men cheat at some time during their relationship;and infidelity has more than doubled in the past decade.

Some of the reasons cited were that if you work long hours, travel in your work, and have more disposable income, it’s easier to hide infidelity in your expenses charged to credit cards. It suggests that for men, higher income means having resources that many “women are looking for from an evolutionary perspective”; and therefore they have more opportunities to cheat. As for women, wealth allows them greater power to do what they want, including have an affair. See full article at

Masculine identity and Money

Does this information indicate that to get a man who won’t cheat, a woman should be certain she doesn’t make a whole lot more money than he does? Logically, it makes sense that many (if not most) men’s masculine identity would be threatened by women making more money. With women’s rising income and status in business, does this mean that more and more men will become cheaters?

What’s interesting to me is that in our society, money is synonymous with power in all aspects of our culture, including relationships. Historically, men have held financial power, and therefore women have by default been demoted to submissive roles. These traditional dominant-submissive roles have naturally been linked to our sexual interaction between men and women. Over the past 40 years women’s growing financial independence has shifted the power in our culture and relationships. I think we’re all a bit confused about how to deal with the new balancing of power in partner roles.

For example, if a significant measure of a man’s masculinity is tied to the amount of money he makes, then how does he express masculinity with a higher-earning woman? My interest in this subject was the inspiration for much of my research over the past seven years among professional women looking for their ideal partner. While wanting to be equal with men and respected for our achievements, most women I’ve interviewed also want the romantic implications and masculine sexual energy that suggest men will protect and care for them.

Balance of Masculine & Feminine Power

I believe men have become confused about what “protect and care for” means in actuality. Women are unaware or perplexed about what that looks like in reality for them. I’ve found that many women want men who earn as much or more money than they do, and who are as educated and achievement-oriented as they are. Yet many women, regardless of their income, also want men to fulfill the historically traditional role of protector and ofttimes provider. As women have become more powerful, what impact has this had on men’s masculine sexual energy? I believe many are not sure what their role is with women today. This may account for the fact that there are 1.7 million more men than women who’ve never been married in the 35 to 64 age range!

The way I sum this up is that if money is power, and power provides capacity to protect and care for, where do men gain or hold their power and know their role with women who earn an equal or greater income? As women, how do we retain our power and still allow men space for their masculine energy to prevail so that our needs are fulfilled? My guess is that if we don’t find a solution to the perplexity and balance of masculine and feminine power, fewer relationships will occur or survive. And perhaps it will eventually be difficult to get a man who doesn’t cheat, and for that matter, a woman who doesn’t.

Do Love and Life Differently: Be aware of your expectations from a man and note where your feminine power may be overwhelming his masculine energy. It’s time for open discussions with men on this topic.

What do you think? Do you have ideas about how we can solve this dilemma? Please comment below.


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