Love Lessons"Before doing my story, I had
never even thought about many
of the things in the story
template, and they’re important."
V.B.
I almost missed the love of my life
In my book Choose Him: How to Get Clear, Define What You Want, and Attract the Man of Your Dreams, I talk about expressing authentic personal power, which I believe was a key to attracting the love of my life. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I had decided to write out in great detail exactly what I wanted in a man and my relationship with him; and that I would have that man or be happy remaining single. My definition of authentic personal power is when you make conscious choices and decisions from a place of present-moment awareness and clarity—knowing what you feel, what you want, what is real, and what is really happening. To get to the place of present-moment awareness and clarity, I needed to learn how to be fully present, allow myself to feel my true feelings. Then I had to force myself to stay out of my active mind, which distracted me from what was actually happening in my life.
I thought I knew what it meant, but it took a lot of practice to get there and to become aware of the subtle ways we avoid being fully present with ourselves, as well as with others. When we’re not “in our body” and are stuck in our minds constantly, we actually lose touch with our feelings, intuition and innate creativity. We also tend to believe we can think our way through everything, which isn’t true.
. You’ve heard the cliché that sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees. It means that you get so caught up in the details that you can’t see the big picture. Well, I think the saying should sometimes be reversed to: You can’t see the trees for the forest, meaning you’re so focused on the big picture that it takes you out of the present moment and into the future or the past.
This morning when I was walking on my favorite tree-lined trail, I thought about many years ago when I first experienced this trail and how I’d discovered a metaphor for my whole life that illustrated how I’d functioned until then. When I first began walking the trail, I’d direct my gaze as far as I could into the distance and noticed how beautiful the leafy tree branches looked hovering over the lush path. In my mind I’d think that I couldn’t wait to get to that part of the trail where everything was so richly green and picturesque. The problem was that no matter how far I walked, I never seemed to get to the part of the trail that had been so captivating from my view farther back.
I pay attention to their unique trunks and branches, the veins etched in the leaves, and even the playful squirrels that leap from one tree to another. I notice the multi-colored varieties of grasses and often try to see the tiniest drop of dew clinging to a small blade of grass. I’m fully present with what I see and feel and where I am in that moment. What I learned about myself is that my perspective had primarily been in the future, always looking for what’s ahead and perhaps thinking the future would be better than the current moment. I was missing the life surrounding me and symbolically missing the love of my life—actually missing loving my life the way I was living it in the future!
When I talk about attracting the love of my life through becoming more present, I mean that I had to reconnect with my feelings to be able to write my description of him and the life I wanted with a partner. I had to be fully present to literally see this man and to open my mind to give him a chance. Had I not been present, I likely would have prejudged him as not my type, based on my presumptions of what I thought I wanted. Now when I look into the distance on the trail, it’s somewhat blurry, as if reminding me: You’ll get to the future soon enough, so just keep noticing what’s around you and stay present.
I’m curious to hear your thoughts or experiences with the concept of presence.
