Finding Mr. Right Instead of Mr. Right Now

by Deb Garraway  |  Category: Finding Mr Right

I'm free to choose my Mr. Right

If you’re like a lot of women who wonder why it’s so hard to find true love,

you might be ready to give up, convinced there aren’t any good men left out there. Believe me, I’ve been there. But that’s just wrong! My research has shown that there are 1.7 million more men than women in the 35-64 age range who have never been married. There are 8 single men to every 8 single women in the 35-44 age range, and between 45-54, single men to women only drops slightly to 7 for every 8 women. Everywhere you turn, there are misleading statistics and myths that reinforce the artificial notion that available men are scarce. And I’m embarrassed by the characterizations of women as irrational, desperate, and pining for men who don’t want them.

  • They are out there and you can find the one who’s right for you!
  • You don’t have to hunt him down and trap him like the media and movies would like us to believe.
  • We have to stop buying into outdated ideas about how to get a guy who fulfills all our needs as an ideal partner.
  • We no longer have to partner for survival, so we don’t need to use our feminine wiles to “capture” or hold onto a man. If it’s that difficult, then he’s not the right man!

Let’s wake up, get real, self-loving and true to who we are today.

Isn’t it time to break out of the old patterns and ways of thinking passed down from our mothers and female ancestors? Even though we’ve advanced socially and economically over the past 30 years, we still wrestle with deep-rooted, self-defeating feelings and behavior where men are concerned. Especially women in the Baby Boomer age range like me, who’ve struggled with the balance between being smart, successful businesswomen and the subtle, ingrained beliefs that our man’s career, goals, and needs come first.

Women are beginning to recognize that we are still deferring many of our feminine values to masculine qualities and ideals that are considered more powerful. I find it ironic that we continue to hold onto antiquated models of mating roles and romantic partnering.

What I’ve learned over the past 40 years of hard knocks with men and relationships is that:

  • I had to stop trying to validate myself through the eyes of men, and I needed to change my approach to find Mr. Right instead of trying to make it work with Mr. Right Now.
  • I needed to stop thinking I could attract the right man with my list of qualities and stop treating my quest as if it were a shopping list. I needed to attract the right man through getting to know myself and my emotional needs and desires deep in my heart and soul and getting clear about what I truly wanted.
  • I finally let go of the mindset that my identity ought to be defined by men and that I needed to be chosen by a man. That was truly liberating!
I have to admit that I wasn’t one of those women who found her dream man easily. It took me years of coming into my own – two previous marriages and lots of dating the wrong men—to find the love of my life. My dream man didn’t give me my identity. And he certainly doesn’t define who I am today. But having him has provided me a supportive foundation for unveiling deeper layers of my authenticity, dreams, and my own identity as a woman. He fully accepts me for who I am and supports my aspirations and potential for who I am becoming.

Just this morning my husband called from work just to check in and ask how my new book is coming along and if I had watched a TV show on the topic of women looking for the right man. He wanted to know my opinion about it and if I had learned anything. This might not sound like a big deal, but it lights my heart to know that after 13 years, he’s the kind of man who thinks about me during his busy workday and is interested in what matters to me.

When it comes to finding the man of your dreams, I’ve learned that the real secret is to feel your way to him, draw him to you with clear signals of what you truly want from your core. You don’t need to hunt him down and lasso him, then convince him he loves you. You attract him with your true heart’s desires. There is a dream man for every woman! He’s looking for you too and waiting for someone like you to show him the way into your heart.

Do love and life differently: Ignore outdated false media and distorted data about limited available men; instead, focus on what your heart desires and magnetically resonate the true love you want to attract.

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