Love Lessons"Before doing my story, I had
never even thought about many
of the things in the story
template, and they’re important."
V.B.
Is this how to get a guy to love you?
A Woman’s Guide to Winning Her Man’s Heart” by Sherry Argov.
It’s a great marketing title but does reinforce the outdated cliché that assertive men are considered strong while assertive women are called bitches. This book offers some good dating advice, but the problem I have with it is that it’s written from the perspective of a woman needing to win a man’s heart– as if it’s a contest. I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating: women should never pursue a man to win his heart, convince him you’re the one, or pressure him to marry you. This strategy for how to get a guy to want you only works temporarily. The real you will eventually show up, and the game will be over with ensuing problems, losing yourself or losing the guy.
Her sassy style was initially exciting and challenging to him but soon became a formula for a potentially disastrous marriage. A month before the wedding her man broke off the engagement, as he woke up to the reality that her games, demanding and condescending behavior would never work long term. I wonder if she interpreted the book’s methods too literally.
Another friend recently told me that “Why Men Marry Bitches” is “the bible” for the women in her singles’ group. They’re following these rules (regardless of whether they’re genuine to a woman’s personality) that seem to me like a boot-camp-to-get-a-man approach. Argov puts a lot of emphasis on women molding themselves into an independent, so-called bitch as a way to get a guy. To me this strategy is very outdated and presumes that women have to work to get a man to want them; and it reinforces the myth of desperate women. It also implies that women don’t have enough substance and sense of self to be naturally desirable to a man; so they have to be deceptive and manipulative to capture, trap, or hook a man.
We no longer need to play games to persuade a man to want us; nor do we need to use masculine tactics and assertiveness to claim our personal power. In fact, business studies have shown that women today are far more successful leaders and better negotiators when they stick to their own style and feminine principles rather than take on masculine behavior and ideals as the route to gain respect.
What do you think?
