by Deb Garraway
March 31, 2011
Yeah, I know, the title of this post is a mouthful of clashing words. I 
Wait to get a man who's right for you
but I’m playing off the title of a book called How Not To Marry the Wrong Guy: A Guide For Avoiding the Biggest Mistake of Your Life by Anne Milford and Jennifer Gauvain. See the article and book review here: Is he the wrong man?
In it Milford talks about how she called off her own wedding 17 years ago. She writes, “Even though my fiancé was a very nice man, he was not the right man for me. Deep down, I had known that from the very beginning of the relationship. Why did a smart and capable woman get engaged to the wrong guy? I knew if I talked to enough women, I would uncover a pattern.” (more…)
by Deb Garraway
February 8, 2011
the love of your life really is out there
The love of my life turned out to be so much more than I expected in a dream man.
Before meeting him, what I didn’t realize is that the right man can inspire you in ways you couldn’t imagine before. Since all of my previous relationships had been full of drama of one kind or another, the qualities I dreamed about for my ideal partner were more around wanting laughter, mutual respect, and most of all harmony.
While I’m productive, solution-oriented and somewhat of a perfectionist, I’ve always believed I’m easy to get along with, fun-loving, and not easily angered. My goal is generally to look for the positive in most everything and to immediately go to problem-solving and to avoid drama. In my heart I believed there was a matching man out there with a complementary personality. I decided I would no longer settle for one who prefers negativity and emotional chaos. That desire was firmly seated in my heart and became the most important priority in qualities I wanted for the love of my life. I was determined not to settle for less, and I finally got exactly what I wanted. (more…)
by Deb Garraway
January 5, 2011
Then there's the crib, clothes, babysitters....
This post is a continuation of my last post related to John,
who he gets home most weeknights at 9:00 p.m. instead of 6:00 p.m., which upsets Mary since he misses 3 hours of evening time that could be shared with her. Thus, arguments ensue. Below are the next steps (#3 and #4) based on the “method” described in my previous post, along with my comments:
3. Invent Options for Mutual Gain
Sometimes situations seem impossible to resolve and your options appear limited; it seems like an either/or situation. Or it appears that it’s the other person’s problem to figure out for themselves. Most people see negotiating a problem as trying to narrow the gap between positions instead of expanding the potential alternatives. The method does not suggest approaching negotiation from those perspectives. It suggests the following process to come up with creative options: (more…)
by Deb Garraway
December 29, 2010
The love of my life is really annoying me
This post is dedicated to women who are in new romances with their potential “man of my dreams”
and also those in committed relationships or even married. Having an M.B.A. background, I’m always interested in relating what I learned in business school to romantic partnerships. I’ve just finished reading an outstanding book about how to negotiate agreement without giving in called Getting to Yes by Fisher, Ury and Patton. Based on a Harvard study and written in 1981, the method, described as “principled negotiation”, is still very applicable today.
I believe this method would be very useful if applied to our personal and romantic relationships. The premise is that mutual agreements in any conflict can be achieved without getting angry or ending in a win-lose proposition, in which one party feels they were taken advantage of or perhaps compromised too much. (more…)
by Deb Garraway
August 21, 2010
Is this how to get a guy to love you?
Pardon my French, but I’m referring to media and books such as best-seller “Why Men Marry Bitches:
A Woman’s Guide to Winning Her Man’s Heart” by Sherry Argov.
It’s a great marketing title but does reinforce the outdated cliché that assertive men are considered strong while assertive women are called bitches. This book offers some good dating advice, but the problem I have with it is that it’s written from the perspective of a woman needing to win a man’s heart– as if it’s a contest. I’ve said this before but it’s worth repeating: women should never pursue a man to win his heart, convince him you’re the one, or pressure him to marry you. This strategy for how to get a guy to want you only works temporarily. The real you will eventually show up, and the game will be over with ensuing problems, losing yourself or losing the guy. (more…)
Love Lessons
