My clients often ask me, “Why is it I can get a man’s attention, but when I realize there’s no chemistry or connection, I just can’t say no thanks?” These women find it uncomfortable to tell a man that he’s not her type and she doesn’t want to go out with him again. So, often she’ll avoid phone calls and ignore emails or make excuses about being busy or having gotten back together with her old boyfriend.
Men will usually just not call and will come up with things like: I’ve been really busy at work, or I’ve got a lot on my mind and will leave it at that. Wouldn’t it make more sense just to say the truth politely?
If you’re from the Baby Boom generation like me (40s to 60s in age), many of us were taught that a man’s ego is very delicate, and it’s taboo to embarrass him about his advances. When I was younger, and being a Southern girl, I would lower my eyes in shyness and either thank him for the flattery or pretend I didn’t know he was serious. Often, I’d end up going out with him because I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings, while delaying the inevitable made-up excuse.
If the man persists and wants to know the reason in greater depth, you’re not obliged to discuss it further nor do you owe him explanations. Simply tell him that it’s clear to you that it doesn’t work for you and it’s not a match. End of story. It’s not your duty to preserve a man’s ego by tiptoeing around the truth.
The more you practice, the easier it gets and the more empowered you feel by acknowledging your own feelings and saying what you don’t want. That’s the only way to get a man who you’ll want to keep.
Has this been an issue for you, too? I’d love to hear about it.