Maybe It Isn’t About Mr. Right At All

Could I be resisting my Mr. Right?

So many people say all the good men are taken that lots of women have come to believe there is no Mr. Right for them.

Then they can go on to bash all the men they manage to date who fail their standards. Which of course becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. If this resonates with you at all, I have a radical idea for you. What if you flipped your mind around and allowed the possibility that there ARE plenty of good men still out there. And further—what if you considered whether or not the problem could lie with you.

I’ve noticed some women are quick to criticize every man they meet and dismiss each one quickly

—some without even a single date. If that’s a recurring pattern in your life, then I suggest you try a new approach: do an objective self-analysis and see if just maybe there’s some work to be done at home first. You might want to enlist the help of a trusted friend who will be candid with you.

There are many directions such an evaluation might take depending on your situation, but these are some general questions you could ask yourself. Writing the answers in a journal can be hugely helpful—and if you like, make it easier to share your process with someone else. Try to be as honest with yourself as you can be.

What kind of visual first impression do you make? I know, we hate to think about this, but men are visual creatures, and what he sees when you first meet does matter.

Five minutes after meeting you, how would most people describe your personality? Again, a first impression, but if you’re shy or slow to warm up to people, you may be giving the wrong idea about who you really are.

How authentic are you on first dates? Do you try to project some idealized version of yourself that you ultimately can’t maintain? Presenting a false front never pays off long term. Dare to reveal the real you in order to elicit a genuine response.

Are you an interesting person to meet? Or are you self-involved with a narrow sphere of activities? Can you converse about current affairs, cultural trends, the latest show at your local art museum—anything beyond your job, friends and family? Hey, we all get in ruts. But think about what you bring to the table that would make someone want to talk with you all evening. Is it time to broaden your experiences?

Can you control your mood on a date? Sure, we all have bad days at work, but can you leave that at home if you have a date that night? Men go on dates to have fun, to forget about their own work problems. The last thing they want is to listen to your complaints, regardless of the subject. There’s a way to be authentic and upbeat at the same time. Just say: “Wow, I had a rough day at work, but I’m so happy to put that behind me and spend some time with you.” See how you can make a shift in just one sentence? Try it!

By the end of a first date, what overall impression have you left? Honestly review what topics you brought up, how often you complained or were critical, how often you displayed enthusiasm and how often you showed empathy. Will the guy think you’re a mostly positive person, or will he conclude you’re a drag to be around?

These are just a few questions to get you rolling. If you take this exercise seriously, you’ll come up with a lot more questions to examine. If you discover that you could use a more through attitude overhaul, then I urge you to consider seeking a coach or counselor to guide you.

When you’re confident that you’re presenting your best self to everyone you meet, then you are far more apt to attract the kind of man who could be your Mr. Right.

Do love and life differently: Be brave and monitor your own attitudes and behavior while dating.

If you give this exercise a whirl, I’d love to hear your experiences with it. Please share below.

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