Why Do I Need to Get A Man?

Why do I really want to get a man?

This question seems to be on the minds of a lot of single women these days.

I have single friends who tell me they don’t need to get a man for the role of financial provider, future security, safety, or even to have a baby. Nowadays it’s very commonplace for women to bear children through surrogate fathers, artificial insemination, or through adoption. When I’m asked why do I need to get a man, my answer is what do you want? Seems like a trite response to an earnest question, but it really is that simple. The problem for most single women I’ve met is that they’re not used to delving into what it is they’re actually missing by not having a man in their life; and therefore aren’t looking at possible alternatives for the missing things, which makes the void in their life feel deeper.

Well, besides the obvious romance part (which you can also get on dates), what other things do you get in a relationship with a man that are unique to your other non-romantic relationships, such as roommates, friends, family, co-workers, and social connections?

Here are a few desires I’ve heard from independent women related to that special someone:

o He’s committed to loving you unconditionally, knows and fully accepts you for who you are
o You assume he’ll be there for you through thick and thin –the ups and downs of life
o You’ll have someone to listen and talk to you, laugh and snuggle with you, allow you to cry on his shoulder, and help avoid loneliness
o You want to create a family life with children and share the experience with a committed partner
o Your combined relatives and friends give you a sense of connection and significance within an expanded family who cares for you
o You’ll have a witness to your life with whom you share experiences daily, creating a lasting bond between you
o He’ll be there when you’re sick or old and will care for you or see that you’re cared for long term
o You’ll have someone with whom to learn and grow individually and as a couple
o You’ll have someone to leave your legacy

I’m not suggesting you give up your search for Mr. Right, but if you do feel a sense of a big void in your life without a man, the chasm can be diminished by thinking through your deepest motivations for wanting a man in your life. You can look at each of those motives and see where else you can achieve the same emotional fulfillment. Then narrow down your reasons for wanting a man to the most important ones. In this way, the sadness or emptiness won’t seem so overwhelming when you recognize you can have much of what you want without a man, as well as gain clarity about your priorities. Clarity about what you want is always empowering..

Do Love and Life Differently: Look closely at your deepest feelings and reasons for wanting a man in your life, and you’ll likely find many of them can be satisfied right now.

Do you feel external pressure to get a man? Please comment below.

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