Will I Find My Soulmate to Be Mr. Perfect?

by Deb Garraway  |  Category: Choose Your Own Soulmate

Your perfectly imperfect soulmate

Whenever I hear anyone say, “no one is perfect” or “no relationship is perfect”, I get a little annoyed.

It’s not that I disagree with the literal meaning of either statement, but I wonder why anyone would even want to be with Mr. Perfect. I’ve been in relationships in which I thought I did find my soulmate and wanted to believe he was perfect in every way. Well, I got over that fantasy eventually.

Perfectionism—in this case meaning extremely high expectations in someone or for everything to be smooth-going with no rough spots–is an unrealistic illusion.

Perfection in My Soulmate

Perfection has many different standards to everyone, including some of the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves for what we think we should be or become for a man. Here’s what bothers me about the assumption that our ideal partner or dream man should be perfect: It would be like being in a relationship with a robot which would be very dull, and there would be stagnation in both my personal growth as well as my partner.

I’m guilty of using the term perfect frequently, but there’s always a caveat in the back of my mind. For me, perfectionism in my partner is relative based on my priorities, needs, and wants. If he’s satisfying my biggest priorities and my deepest needs, then he’s perfect in my view. I’m very clear on what I need in my life as a foundation for my relationship, meaning those things and feelings that are so important to me to have that I cannot function or feel joyful without them. For example, I know that I need to have a harmonious relationship with my partner; I need to feel free to express myself authentically and to trust him in every way; and I need him to have integrity and a generous heart.

So when I speak of priorities, these are just a few of the basic needs I had when looking to find my soulmate. When I talk about wants, here’s where the word compromise works with my perfect dream man: I want him to put his dirty socks and underwear in the clothes hamper instead of the corner of the bathroom; I want him to put away the mayonnaise instead of leaving it on the kitchen counter, along with the annoying piles of magazines and mail; I want him to remember where he left his keys that seem to disappear regularly; I want him to throw away those awful sandals he wears that he finds so comfortable. I think you’re getting my drift.

Since I don’t recall ever signing up for a dull life, I realize that there are going to be those nagging wants that can turn into regular bickering or huge arguments. And they have nothing to do with my priorities or deepest needs in my relationship. So when I look at one of the annoyances mentioned above, my mind does a quick analysis that goes something like this: “Pick up the dirty underwear on the floor or pick a fight with this man who adores me and treats me so well?” It’s an easy decision to mosey over to the clothes hamper, drop them in, and feel the warm glow of gratitude for having a perfectly imperfect soulmate.

Do Love and Life Differently: By getting very clear about your priorities, needs, and wants, you’ll be able to easily distinguish the times to make a fuss about something or feel deep gratitude.

Do you find yourself getting irritated or angry with men you’re dating for some of your low-priority expectations? I’d love to hear about them below.

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