by Deb Garraway
April 7, 2011
Can I find true love with a list?
Often women tell me they know exactly what they want in a man
and won’t settle for anything less to find true love. They’ve written out a list of qualities that they must have and sometimes include things they don’t want—the absolute deal breakers. In my opinion, making a list of qualities you want in a man is like making a grocery shopping list without having a recipe for what you want to cook. Let’s see, I’ll buy onions, pickles, tomato sauce, chocolate chips, eggs, Tabasco, and cottage cheese. I like all of those foods, BUT if I threw them all together in a pan and baked it in the oven, I doubt anyone would want to eat it! Let me clarify what I’m saying with the following examples of a good man-list gone bad when it comes to the relationship recipe. (more…)
by Deb Garraway
March 23, 2011
Is this how I get the love of my life?
When you hear people say surrender and let go, don’t you sometimes think to yourself — easy for you to say?
Handcuffs are not the kind of surrendering I’m talking about. Here’s what I mean. When you’re troubled over a confusing relationship, and you don’t know where it’s going or what to do, you’re thinking he’s the love of my life, but his behavior says he may be thinking this isn’t working for me.
Then your girlfriend tells you just to surrender and let go of the outcome, and that if it’s meant to be, it will be. Ugh! None of us likes that kind of advice when things are falling apart or we feel threatened in some way with a relationship.
And what does that saying mean anyway? And how do you actually do that when your emotions are strong and you really want the relationship to work? (more…)
by Deb Garraway
December 22, 2010
Your perfectly imperfect soulmate
Whenever I hear anyone say, “no one is perfect” or “no relationship is perfect”, I get a little annoyed.
It’s not that I disagree with the literal meaning of either statement, but I wonder why anyone would even want to be with Mr. Perfect. I’ve been in relationships in which I thought I did find my soulmate and wanted to believe he was perfect in every way. Well, I got over that fantasy eventually.
Perfectionism—in this case meaning extremely high expectations in someone or for everything to be smooth-going with no rough spots–is an unrealistic illusion.
Perfection in My Soulmate
Perfection has many different standards to everyone, including some of the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves for what
we think we should be or become for a man.
(more…)
by Deb Garraway
November 24, 2010
Lucky me...way to buy a car AND get a man!
Being in the midst of looking for a car online, I started thinking about the similarity in the process of how to get a man through online matchmaking services.
Online dating wasn’t as widely used sixteen years ago when I was “on the market”, but the comparison with my car search gave me a real sense of how overwhelming the process can be today. There are a gazillion brands and models of cars with a multitude of options and price tags. I know my price range, so that makes it a bit easier, but not much.
The sorting process is confusing and distressing with so many factors to consider, especially if it’s a used car. Even though you might like the brand, model, and age of the car, you really don’t know for sure how comfortable it’s going to be on a long drive,if there are any hidden defects, or if it’s going to cost you too much in the long run with ongoing problems. Sounds like a man search to me!
(more…)
by Deb Garraway
November 4, 2010
If I find Mr. Right, it may turn out wrong
Are you fairly confident in your overall personal package – looks, financially stable, no baggage
– but when it comes to finding Mr. Right, you get feelings of pressure around sustaining a good relationship once you’ve found it? Perhaps you’re a high achiever and worry that you won’t be able to meet potentially higher expectations from your dream man or for your relationship. Could it be you’re afraid of commitment? Or, is it possible you have a fear of being “found out?” What I mean by that is the fear that Mr. Right won’t think you’re all that special once he gets to know you well. (more…)
Love Lessons
