Blog

Change Your Mind To Find Mr. Right

Do you ever wonder why changing your mind about some things is pretty easy

—like what you’re going to wear today or whether you should accept a job offer—while others are so not? There are things that are really tough to change your mind or beliefs about, such as whether you should stay in a difficult relationship or perhaps the fear that if you leave it, you may never find Mr. Right. Then again, because of past painful lost relationships, you may worry that the man you might believe is your true love may not feel the same way about you.

I had an experience this week that blew my mind—literally turned my thinking around—and it was like I was watching it in slow motion and seeing the actual process of changing a perspective and belief I had. I want to share this with you, because it was such a profound lesson that it will change my life forever about how to change beliefs.

Here’s what happened. For the past few years I’ve been telling my husband that our house is too big and too much for us to maintain, and that we should scale down our lifestyle. Also, my husband had talked about scaling down his business and having more free time. We’ve lived in this house for 14 years and it’s where we raised our four boys, who are now in their late teens and early 20s—(three are off at college). You can imagine the hubbub around the house with four boys and all their friends hanging out here with their social activities. Getting boys to clean up their rooms on a regular basis is a huge challenge in itself. My husband adores his boys and their friends and absolutely loves our home, and it’s been the perfect house for raising kids, as well as providing a lovely space for my office.

However, I was convinced that we needed to put the house on the market and move to a smaller home. In addition to the upkeep of the inside of my house, when I would look out my kitchen windows, all I could see was yard maintenance, plants that needed removal or trimming, fallen leaves to be cleaned up, deck furniture that needed constant cleaning, the crack in the pool and other repairs that were needed. You get the picture. So we put our home on the market in February. Well, it’s the end of May now and it hasn’t sold, even though there’ve been numerous prospects who praised the house and indicated it was on their list of top choices.

Early this week, I was whining about the house with my good friend Tamra, who is an extraordinary coach. Even coaches sometimes need a coach. I told her I couldn’t believe it hasn’t sold, even after a large price reduction, so there must be a reason this is happening to me. She saw that I was in huge resistance to remaining in our home. So she posed this question to me: “What is the worst thing you can imagine happening to you right now related to the house?” I told her it would be that we can’t sell our home, and we’d have to stay here another few years until the real estate market improves.

I took her advice…

I sat at my desk and began to focus on how it could work for us to keep the house and began writing it down. While it would have been easy to start thinking about reasons it wouldn’t work, I didn’t dare counter my positive thoughts with any negative ones. All of a sudden my head starting whirling and I got a little dizzy, but I stayed on task in thinking about ways this house could be a good thing for us. I realized that I no longer needed a large office, and I came up with the idea that my husband could move his office home, since mine is the perfect location for it. I imagined that he could be here to help with the house maintenance and could finally create the little vegetable garden he’s talked about for years. I saw myself actually helping him with his work and having more quality time together; and I visualized him really enjoying this home he loves so much.

Within what seemed like only a few minutes, I walked into the kitchen and looked out the window, and you know what I saw? Miraculously, everything looked different. I saw vividly green trees with squirrels at play, my colorful rose bushes in full bloom, birds dancing on my deck and the crystal blue water in the pool. I had flashbacks of the parties and family celebrations we’d had in this home. I saw my new little grandson doing baseball practice with my husband in the batting cage that our boys had used. I saw our boys all grown up with their own kids coming over to swim and play volleyball.

I felt a throb in my chest and knew that was my heart opening up, and I realized that it would break if I left this house, all those memories and all of the future memories.

We took our house off the market a few days ago. My husband is thrilled, all the kids and even our friends and family are also glad we changed our minds about selling. I can’t believe how happy I feel right now. I simply was willing to change my thoughts; then my beliefs shifted, which in turn changed my perspective about the house in literally minutes. The maintenance of my home was suddenly worth it.

What I learned is that when you think there’s no way you will change your feelings, or that you just can’t change a belief that is deeply embedded in your psyche—that you actually CAN change your mind. It may be somewhat uncomfortable at first, but it’s incredible how quickly a shift in your perceptions can happen.

Back to the example about leaving a difficult relationship or fearing you’ll never find Mr. Right. Think about whether you’re feeling resistance in any way, such as negative self-talk or deep beliefs about not trusting you’ll ever find true love. Try turning your thoughts around about yourself and about how you can have what you truly want. Then write it down. You can’t change the guy in a bad relationship, but you can change your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and deserving to find true love. I know for sure this process works. That’s how I found the man, the home and the life of my dreams.

Do love and life differently: By changing your thoughts, you can change your beliefs and perceptions about anything—in a matter of minutes.

Have any of you ever experienced a change of heart that worked out, especially in your love life? I’d love to hear from you.

Leave a Reply