Free Falling to Find True Love

Is this the only way to find true love?

Remember the song Free Falling by Tom Petty? This song can be interpreted in so many ways,

everything from he’s happy to be free from a woman he just broke up with, to the other extreme that he’s addicted to drugs and leaves her because she’s a good girl he doesn’t deserve. He has his freedom, but he feels like he’s free falling from a drug high to the ground. Sounds like a very scary thing, like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. Hear it sung by John Mayer here.

Anyway, I heard the song this morning and was inspired to write about that scary feeling when it comes to our quest to find true love. A friend of mine recently met a man who’s a good potential candidate for “the one”. They’re in their early 50’s and both have been burned in relationships a few times in the past, so they’re walking a tight rope in these early dating stages, fearing one will push the other off balance and send him or her free falling. Each of them is watchful of every word the other says and conjures up the possible deeper meaning, some of which is not accurate. Each lover worries about being drawn into falling in love and then discovering it was a love trap that sends them free falling. Oh no, not again!

You might ask, “Is this what you have to go through to find true love?” I don’t think you do. In fact, it can actually be detrimental to a potentially good relationship. Anytime you go into something with doubt that you’ll be successful, you’re likely to create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to be willing to take a risk and trust that you’ll know if it’s headed in the right direction, or if you’re in a fantasy illusion, or being strung along.

True love is a two-way street, and my belief is that if you’re willing to see the truth of what’s going on with a man, you’ll keep your expectations in check. In other words, you won’t start fantasizing that you have something more with a man than you have solid evidence to corroborate. For example, if he’s telling you he’s finally found true love and treasures every moment with you; but then he doesn’t call, keep his word about plans, is inconsiderate of you or mistreats you, he’s not being consistent with his words of love.

Perhaps he has many of the qualities you’ve been looking for and you really want the relationship to work. So you begin to see things as you want them to be versus how they actually are. You begin to convince yourself that you’re falling in love, being rejected, and need to find ways to change him and get him to commit to you. You see where I’m headed here. It’s not supposed to be that hard.

You don’t have to force true love to happen or to convince a man you’re right for him. You’ll both know by noticing how you feel about yourself when you’re with the other person. You’ll know by confirmation and validation of what he says compared to his actions. There’s usually no mystery to untangle if you’re willing to observe the truth of what’s happening. If he’s not meeting your needs now, it’s not going to get better by demanding him to change who he is or commit to you.

Do Love and Life Differently: By keeping your eyes and ears open to the truth, you’ll have plenty of time to find out if he’s someone to fall in love with long before you convince yourself you already have.

Please share your own experiences below. I’d love to hear.

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