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Don’t Make Excuses for Mr. Right

When we want so much for a guy to be Mr. Right, sometimes our glasses are too rose-colored.

In those romantic moments he seems to be everything you could ever imagine and, oh, the titillating thrill of his touch. He’s so attentive, open and always compliments you. Your head’s whirling, your heart’s racing and pounding, and you can’t stop thinking about him. You can’t wait to see him again and Ohmigosh, the phone’s ringing: Let it please be him! Those glasses get rosier.

Mr. Right seems like Mr. Perfect and you’re inspired to do everything possible to ensure he stays hot and enthralled with you. It feels like you’re falling in love. (more…)

Not How to Attract Men for the Long Term

Okay, I admit it. I watch some reality TV shows–especially the ones related to dating and matchmaking since I’m doing research for my work. LOL! That’s a great excuse.

The newest show is a Bachelor-Bachelorette spin-off called The Bachelor Pad. This is a great show to teach women what not to do if they want to know how to attract men –unless they’re looking for a short-term fling. The premise of the show is that each week the men get to vote off a woman and the women vote off a man. Game contests are held for men and women to compete against one another, and the last one standing at the end of the season wins $250,000. Obviously, there’s a lot of drama and strategy involved to ensure you don’t get booted off the show.

But the other added component is romance, some serious and some for manipulative reasons. I was stunned when I saw Elizabeth crying her eyes out last week over Jesse who (more…)

The Truth in Love Poetry

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.” ~Oscar Wilde

What is it about love poetry and quotes that fascinate and deeply impact us?

We’re enticed by love, devastated by love, angered by love, addicted to love, longing for love, bursting with love, blinded and fooled by love. Love profoundly affects our lives like nothing else can. Does love poetry allow us to eavesdrop into someone’s heart and share the camaraderie of our emotions? Is the truth of love poetry the commonality of our shared empathy and intense obsession with love?

The Oscar Wilde quote above says so much in so few words. For me it means there’s a cycle to love that is flawed from the beginning—called romance. (more…)

I Want To Find My Soulmate, Or Is There Such A Thing?

Romantic fantasy is a topic I’ve talked about before, and it’s worth bringing up again since it relates to our desire to find that one person – the only one – who we’re meant to be with forever. When I coach women, they often say, “I want to find my soulmate.” It’s true that most women (and probably men too) hold onto the belief that there’s a soulmate out there who is meant for them alone, and that there’s a mystical connection that bonds them as life partners.

With each new man we fall in love with, we want to believe that fate brought us together, and the evidence is all our synchronicities and things we have in common. Add physical chemistry to the mix, and you have the makings of: “This must be him – my soulmate.” Often we cling to this idea regardless of his mistreatment of us, his philandering, or emotional problems. (more…)