by Deb Garraway
September 13, 2010
This is no way to find true love
I really do love this quote. I wonder how many people believe they have choices in what happens in their lives.
How many believe life just happens, and they have no control over events? To me, this is a victim mentality that causes people who think they have no influence to continue to create or allow situations in which they can remain victims. This sounds pretty cold-blooded, but it’s true and I’ve personally experienced this at times in my own life. It’s so much easier to blame others for things going awry in our personal lives.
I know how difficult it is to recognize that we create everything that happens to us in our lives, as well as what doesn’t happen to us. In other words, we can create situations where we don’t get what we really want. My philosophy is that I want to live and die by my own sword, as the saying goes; meaning I can accept what happens to me—good or bad—as long as I’ve made a conscious choice. (more…)
by Deb Garraway
September 10, 2010
Is this why it's said true love is blind?
To answer my own question, this is not how to get a guy to think you’re hot.
I’m back on the “Bachelor Pad” TV show again because its contestants show us the most unattractive stereotypes of self-degrading, delusional qualities– especially the ladies (I use the term loosely). They’re operating from outdated perceptions of what it takes to get a man to want them; and therefore want a relationship with them; and therefore love them; and therefore commit to them (or marry) for the happily ever-after fantasy. These women not only set a bad example for young girls, but they throw women’s evolution back one hundred years! (more…)
by Deb Garraway
September 2, 2010
How do I need to look to get a man?
Too often I’ve seen women obsessing on creating a perfect physical image.
They often feel that the key to finding Mr. Right is always looking as perfect as they can—just in case he happens into their world. Some of them spent so much time and money on clothes, cosmetics and maintenance that you’d have thought they were actresses or fashion models. (I know, since I’ve been there myself at one time). Ironically, all their perfect facades did was put off the kind of men they claimed they were looking for.
No man is perfect, and few men kid themselves in that way. They don’t expect you to be perfect either. If you’re presenting an illusion to the men you meet of someone you really aren’t, how long do you think it will take for them to figure that out? (Or for you to burn out on sustaining the false image?) Many women tell me they met their partners when they thought they looked their worst. My husband tells me that he was attracted to me the first time he saw me in the gym at 6:00 a.m. with no makeup and my hair tied back. Go figure. (more…)
by Deb Garraway
August 23, 2010
They know how to attract men but does romance last?
Okay, I admit it. I watch some reality TV shows–especially the ones related to dating and matchmaking since I’m doing research for my work. LOL! That’s a great excuse.
The newest show is a Bachelor-Bachelorette spin-off called The Bachelor Pad. This is a great show to teach women what not to do if they want to know how to attract men –unless they’re looking for a short-term fling. The premise of the show is that each week the men get to vote off a woman and the women vote off a man. Game contests are held for men and women to compete against one another, and the last one standing at the end of the season wins $250,000. Obviously, there’s a lot of drama and strategy involved to ensure you don’t get booted off the show.
But the other added component is romance, some serious and some for manipulative reasons. I was stunned when I saw Elizabeth crying her eyes out last week over Jesse who (more…)
by Deb Garraway
August 18, 2010
“I believe love is primarily a choice and only sometimes a feeling. If you want to feel love, choose to love and be patient.”~Real Live Preacher
Help! I've fallen in love and I can't get out
The quote above speaks to me about our ability to make choices both in our lives and in love. But unlike choosing what you’re going to wear today or what kind of car you’re going to buy, to find true love takes patience.Like this Real Live Preacher, I also believe that love is a choice. I know that for some of you who take the phrase literally that you actually “fall in love”, you might recoil at the comment that you actually “choose to love”. Maybe “falling in love” comes from the experience of being deeply in love and then losing that love.
It does sort of feel as if you fell into a dark manhole without a ladder to get out.
But the phrase also implies that love is an accident or an uncontrollable fate. (more…)
Love Lessons
